As we sat round the table this morning eating our breakfast Little P sat on her hands,frowned slightly and declared ‘My done a pop in my hands’. We tried not to laugh and attempted to ignore her which,naturally,only spurred her onwards and downwards.
‘My catch it. Wanna look Daddy?’,offering him her tiny cupped hands.
My two year old was catching farts and it wasn’t even 7.30 in the morning.
I snorted my yoghurt muesli,Miss L looked genuinely shocked by this toilet talk and her Dad? Well,he looked sort of proud.
Is that an actual genetic trait you pass on to your kids? Like hair colour and wonky teeth? When Miss L is excited about something she’s like a little geriatric who’s no longer in control of her,well,controls. She runs along,farting like a trooper,giggling away,unable to stop.
Introduce the bath and we’ve got a whole new added dimension of hilarity. It’s like toxic battleships.
Little P does it in her sleep,I can hear her on the monitor. Big motorbike ones,you wonder how she sleeps through it.
I’d love to say they inherited it from my lovely boy but the awful truth is that it’s me. I’m the farter in the family. What a terribly un-ladylike admission.
My Mum’s nickname for me was ‘Carter the Farter’. My party trick when I was little was being tickled by my Dad until I farted. That and clenching my bum cheeks so hard they would go all dimply and we’d shout;‘Map of the world!’Ok,maybe you had to be there for that one,what can I say,it was in the olden days before CBeebies.
Our body building hulk of an Uncle used to pin us down and pull our toes until they popped out of their sockets. My sister would scream,cry for help. I’d just fart. Which,to be honest,was much more effective in getting him to stop.
During play fights with my sister I’d sit on her,make her say I was Queen and if she didn’t,well you can imagine what I did. When we shared the spare room double bed as a treat I’d do a sneaky one and then waft the duvet on her;‘One smell later’. Even in our own beds I’d not let up,wakening her at night with my Harley-esque crescendos. My poor,poor sister.
And I can see history repeating itself. Miss L as the eldest is more sensitive,just a little bit precious and takes things quite seriously. Little P is a little tinker,a joker,hard as nails and I can just see her pinning her sister down in years to come.
Being a proper grown up has mellowed me and I try very hard not to do these things anymore. I certainly haven’t pulled a ‘Map of the World’for many years although,cruelly,if I did I know it’d be the dimpliest yet.
Being in a marriage has allowed me to sneak into a stereotype that means I get to be the one who’s disgusted at farts,shocked and appalled. I do try hard not to find them funny,I know I’m not supposed to be the one that wafts the duvet anymore but sometimes when I feel my eight year old sense of humour rise up I’m powerless to resist.
Photo credit –The Rocketeer
This post was written as part of Josie’s Writing Workshop where our prompts were various book titles. I chose Past Secret by Cathy Kelly - Do you have a secret from your past you are brave enough to share?
hahahahaha hilarious!!!
In our house it’s him not me,but Eliza is giving him a run for his money. And they’re called ‘botty pops’. I know. Cringeingly awful but quite funny when Eliza says it.
We’ve all got our own words for them haven’t we,odd that!
Love It,especially the map of the world,made me snort my cuppa!!!!!!
Farting still cracks me up,be it me,the boy or the girls…….we’re quite a trumpy household –better out than in!!!!!
‘Better out than in’,god I must say that at least half a dozen times a day. Do you know what,looking back I can’t quite work out that map of the world party trick. I guess I must have had a squishy bottom from an early age. x
I,too,often think that I’m not a proper grown up because I find things like that funny –so glad there’s someone else out there!
Oh yes,there are plenty of us I reckon,just takes something to make you admit it! Thanks for popping by
My boys laugh so much at their poots in the bath –Jacuzzi they shout in unison!
‘Poots’–another cracking word for them. Makes me think of the Bertie books that one. It’s quite an odd conversation this one isn’t it…
How brilliant is this post,it had me in utter hysterics. Farting is the comedy in our house with a two year old boy he just loves toilet humour. He has now got to the stage were he lifts his bum,farts and then shouts poo laughing hysterical and yes we can be anywhere. Tescos,Chinese they have been the most recent! xx
Thanks Kerry. Isn’t the writing workshop funny,you read some amazing writing,touching,personal stuff and then you have me writing about farts.
Funny,when I was a child my brothers named me Trumper –they were not very orginal. Now i am married to a man who does not always know when he has let one rip so i can always blame him no matter which one of us let a fart slip out!
Thanks for making me giggle
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Ha ha,I am a little worried that your husband doesn’t know when he has let rip though! Cheers for popping by..
Found you from bloggy moms. Hilarious! absolutely hilarious! Lauren is full of farts too but has only recently started to joke about it “I fart on you mama!”
It’s amazing isn’t it that kids,even at an early age,have a natural sense of humour when it comes to pees,poos and pops..
OK,that’s different! Came over from the writing workshop,and giggling away with the rest of them now.
It takes all sorts,always amazes me how we all read Josie’s prompts differently. Glad I made you giggle.
My husb would laugh so much reading that! My2yo has just started laughing incessantly when he says bumbumbum over and over! (came via writing workshop…. will come back.)
Yes,a few people have said that their husband’s have related to this post! Thanks for dropping by
Popped over after you left a comment on my Writing Workshop post. Thank you so much for your comment it was appreciated.
I love this post. Farting is a source of humour in our house too. Especially those that can be hidden under duvets to wait for the unwary.
Loved the Jacuzzi comment,rolls eyes and walks away muttering uncovincingly I would never do that.
Thanks Jenny,and for popping over to me!