Yesterday we had a great day enjoying my city’s festival;The Edinburgh Festival Fringe. We went to see ‘Stick Man’,my friend and I and our four kids. As I pondered whether we were about to spend 45 minutes watching a man dressed as a giant pepperami,I saw a familiar face pass me,join an equally familiar face in the queue. Two people from my past,married to each other now,good,old friends that I’m not in touch with anymore. Without thinking,not missing a beat,I followed him,tapped her on the shoulder and we all hugged. As I stood looking at her I tried to remember exactly why we hadn’t spoken in so long,it’d been maybe nine or ten years. She’d been my best friend. What the hell had happened again? And how come,whatever it was,didn’t matter anymore?
We’d met when we were eighteen or nineteen through the Irish boys we’d been seeing. From the day that we were introduced in that scummy student kitchen we spent ever day together. The Irish boys took second place.
I have so many fleeting memories of that time. Everything was funny. Out-loud-laughing funny.
Sharing a bedroom in the first flat that we rented,a futon each. Hiring a full sized sun bed and sitting with our legs under it whilst we watched ‘Grease’. Talking all night long. Kung fu fighting dressed in ski masks and goggles. Smoking lots.
Organising our joint 21st birthday party,me peaking too early and ending up in the loos without my trousers on being sick. Having a girls trip to her parent’s house up north,chocolate fondue,nature pees,speed eating salt and vinegar ‘Chipsticks’,more smoking.
Taking photos of ourselves,all pouts and moody faces. Taking a sickie from work then being evacuated from the flat as there was a man with a gun in the next building,being seen by my boss on the tea time news. Having a crush on her twin brother.
Being a bit mean to our other flatmate,laughing when she told us that she’d had an accident in the bath and cut the top of her nipple off with her razor. Getting jobs in Habitat together,her hiding her badge when customers approached,denying that she worked there.
We were totally free.
I’d never met anyone like her,so bold,so confident and so bloody funny. And I realised yesterday that I don’t think I’ve met anyone like her since.
But it started to change when we started seeing two boys who were also good friends.
Her boy was a good friend of my sisters first,then a friend of mine who I introduced her to. I started seeing his friend. For a long time I remember it being just as much fun,just with more of us. We did things together,shared flats,had fun. But somewhere along the line it went a bit off kilter.
And I honestly can’t remember how. How we all fell out. Why we all fell out. All I can remember is four become a crowd. We were all too close maybe. The flat started to feel small,the boys stayed more and more and small things escalated into big things.
I can remember him leaving his Weetabix encrusted bowls un-rinsed in the kitchen. An uninvited smelly snowboarder friend of his sleeping on our sofa for a week. An argument about fish suppers. But no big bang,I don’t remember a big bang. Maybe she remembers.
‘Everyone’ assumed it would be me and my boyfriend that would last,not them. But,as luck would have it,the opposite happened. They got married and had three kids. My boyfriend turned out to be the dipshit after all,declaring I wasn’t the one and dumping me for a vegetarian vet. Like I didn’t feel bad enough getting my heart crumpled up and jumped on,she was a bloody vegetarian.
Back in the queue we all hugged,introduced our five children and tried to catch up on what we’d done with our lives as the rain started and our children moaned for snacks. We’ve exchanged emails. Maybe her memory is better than mine and we can have a grown up conversation about whatever it is that happened.
I get it now. That good friends aren’t that easy to find,that as you get older there are fewer opportunities to find friends. Or maybe seeing her has reminded me of just how much fun we used to have,that I was that fun person and therefore I can be fun,interesting,again.
If only I could turn back time and tell my bad-self that friends are way way more important that boys.
Photo credit –Trevin
Isn’t it annoying that,by the time we’re old enough to appreciate our childhood friends,our paths have often long since diverged?
You’re so lucky to get a second chance. Grab it with both hands and please remind me to do the same,should I ever be as fortunate.
xxx
I’d almost forgotten about having her as a friend,it seems like a different life. I will send her an email,funny how such a small encounter can make you think so much. Thanks for popping by.
Over here via BMB,Hellooo.
Great post,good friends are like gold dust,I would definitely e-mail.
Maybe it will be different this time and the dynamic may have changed,or maybe you will both re-discover your laugh out loud relationship,and be totally at ease with one another. There’s only one way to find out..wishing you lots of luck.
Thanks Suze,you’re right,you never know unless you try. I haven’t posted on BMB for ages so it’s good to know that you came via there,it’s reminded me to do it more often
There’s one thing throughout this blog post that I can’t get my head around…
how on EARTH can you shave off a nipple???
I have friends I don’t keep in touch with often,and yet when I do see them,we talk like we see each other every day. True friends are worth keeping. You never know when you might never see them again. Unfortunately that’s something I’ve learned the hard way.
I know! It was just the top of it apparently,floating razor in bath? Like that makes it any less weird….
I have recently met up with “my old best friend”and realised that she is still my “best friend”–we fell out over something stupid many years ago but you know what Scribbling Mum –i can’t even remember the “falling out”. I am glad we have met up again and i know now that we will never not be “best friends”again.
That’s so cool,isn’t it crazy how some things that were so important in the past can’t even be remembered now. Glad that you guys hooked up again,life’s too short x
One of my fave posts. It’s strange how you so easily forget things that at the time were a huge part of your life. Me and my old best friend were delighted that after 7 years together at primary school we would also be going to grammar school together. We didn’t have ‘the big fall-out’ either,but I’m pretty sure it was my fault that we drifted apart – being a teenage idiot I think I was more interested in my newer cooler friends. We just stopped talking. In 6th year we had to spend one day together and we laughed like we were 10 again.
I was devastated when I heard that she died suddenly earlier this year in South Africa. She was extremely smart and very gifted at music and could have made a fortune in whatever profession she chose,but she devoted her life to missionary work and spent her time working with orphaned children.
At her funeral I felt ashamed that I hadn’t held on to the friendship of such a wonderful person.
Sorry Scribbling Mum,this should really have been a comment on your post,but ended up being a tribute to my old best friend.
Don’t apologise you crazy lady,I’m sorry if this brought back hard as well as happy memories for you. What I wouldn’t change if I could back in time and meet my teenage self! It sounds like she was some girl,your friend. I’m sure we shape everyone we touch in our lives,so take comfort from the fact that who she became will be in part down to you. C x
Found you through BMB. I have reconnected with a very dear old friend on FB. We keep saying we’ll meet but life takes over. After reading this post I picked up the phone and called her and we’re meeting next weekend. Thanks for the prompt!
Really?! That’s great,I feel all chuffed now that I prompted you to pick up the phone! So true about life taking over,it’s good to remind ourselves to take a breath now and again. Thanks for popping by and I hope you have a good laugh with your old friend- –have an extra bit of cake/glass of wine for me